My weekly column in the Magzine NARA.
"Let the stress go and let the changes take the time"
Very often we the humans can feel stressed about wanting to
achieve quick results with ourselves, or our children, or our animals. And many times we give up too soon. Of course
I am the one that feels pressure if things do not go fast enough and then I
become very frustrated.
But when it comes to other individuals I will do my utmost
to see them as a separate subject in need of unique time, not mine. Especially now
with my two children I often bite my cheek so as not to compare the different
milestones in their lives.
When Olivia was twenty months old, she was quick as a
weasel. Many laughed at us when we were in the big bookstore in the U.S. and
Olivia strayed away from me between the bookshelves --- with me chasing after
her.
The Rabbi looked at us a long time and finally said,
"My grandson is three years old but does not run as well!" I smiled
at the older man: "Do not worry, your grandchild will surely be a wonderful
marathon runner when he grows up. "
At the dog park, we let our dogs meet and we want them to
like each other right away. A dog may
growl at another dog and the owner might become alarmed that his dog behaves
aggressively towards other dogs. But
growling is part of their greeting communication. The reasons for dogs to growl
at other dogs vary. For some dogs, it may take time getting to know another
dog, just like when we meet new people.
Sometimes in life surely we have experienced a loaded
meeting where we have seen another person for the first time. But after a
second chance, maybe in a different environment, the attitude has changed and
we feel better about the person. Or perhaps they or we have matured and are
more “acceptable” now. Or maybe nothing has changed, but we will not be
punished for it as dogs can be if we continue to “growl” in our own way and don’t
become friends.
How long it takes to get a dog housebroken is a question I
often get from dog owners who only had the dog for a few days. It also happens
that they give away the dog to a shelter if it doesn’t become housebroken fast
enough, on their timeline, not the dogs’. Do we do the same with children that wear
diapers for years or maybe pees in their bed longer than we feel they should?
I look at my children. Max, who will be five in December,
swinging a stick right up in sister Olivia’s face. It could have gone very badly. I took the
stick from Max and explained why his behavior is dangerous. I cannot excuse the dog’s or children's
"negative" behavior, but I must try to find the reason for this
behavior. After that, I try to find a
solution and give it time to work.
During our childhood, and adult lives, we all have been labeled
with something that was false or true. The label may have been difficult to
wash off, even if changes have occurred in our lives or in the children, or the
animal's behavior or maturity.
Gus, the dog that I've written about in previous columns,
growled and snapped at his family after a traumatic experience, and was
abandoned because of it. In his journals, it said that the family considered
him aggressive and stressed out. A few months later when I met Gus for the
first time, there was no growling or stress in him.
Gus may have been both at one time, but now had a label that
made no one want to tackle him. No one even wanted to test him or read about his
past and put one and one together, do a little psychological math.
Animals are thinking and feeling beings. Just because they
cannot deal with an iMac computer or drive a car does not mean that they lack
the same emotional feelings as us. Gus now lives with me and is a great
darling.
Over time, we grow into the emotions and not in the words.
Follow the emotions and release the time, feel behind your closed eyes. It's
not that scary once you manage to release the stress, quiet the opposite.
That’s Amore
No comments:
Post a Comment